💔BETRAYAL of TRUST😭

As I write this,  my mother might be dead, and I'm not sure what to feel or even if I even care to feel anything.   Oh, I probably will be bothered in some way.  The thing is, I don't know if I should.
See, my mother didn't want her kids, and she had no shame in letting us know.  But that's just the problem with my mother. She had no shame.  No shame, no self respect and ZERO common sense.
   Once upon a time,  her doctor told her that, because of her irregular period, it was UNLIKELY she could get pregnant.  Somehow, that UNLIKELY became IMPOSSIBLE in her ears. So she did what came naturally to her, and, lo and behold, she got pregnant.  Not sure how old mommy dear was when she got pregnant with the baby she miscarried on a Ferris Wheel.  Some kids have all the luck.
Skip to... her first marriage.  She got pregnant then, had a girl and then left the child with her father when she found out that her husband...batted for the other team as it were.  And he turned out to be her better choice. It went downhill from there.
Now, I'm not sure what the circumstances were, surrounding the abuse.  Did my biological father abuse her because she was sleeping around or did she sleep around because he abused her?  Not sure.  All I know is that she had kids with a man who beat her for twenty years. She had kids for two reasons;   1) She loved SEX  and 2)  Abortion was not legal at the time. As kids, we felt forced to do what we could to prevent the abuse of our mother by our father.  Eventually, however, my siblings got fed up trying to stop the abuse because they knew what would come from it, and what wouldn't actually happen.   
  I stuck up for that woman for years.  Defended her against him.  Even injured him on a couple of those occasions to stop him from beating her around.
Today, as I write this, I wish to God I'd let my father kill her!  My bad. Then again, what kid thinks  or WANTS to think of their mother as a promiscuous alley cat (apologies to any alley cat who might take offense) .  She was, though. Four decades after I fought my father to save my mother from his abuse,  she sings HIS praises while telling her adult kids   ( at least me)  that she never wanted kids and wishes she could sue her (Newfie ) doctor for telling her she couldn't get pregnant.  Sorry, but a doctor cannot be held responsible for his patient's LACK of responsibility.
Then again, she didn't think. It didn't dawn on that woman that sex makes babies, especially when you aren't expecting them and don't want them.  And she didn't think about the impact her heartless words would have, on those who had protected her from the abuse she liked after all. As well as the abuser she preferred over the kids she had with him.
It was a cold betrayal and I didn't want to deal with it anymore.  She continued singing the praises of her abuser, despite being asked and then told to STOP talking this guy up like he was Oskar Schindler.  She still loved the guy who abused her, but she didn't care about the kids she had with him.  She never cared what we did with the rest of our lives.  She never even bothered to ask.
Like I already said,  I don't know if my mother is dead.  My sisters don't mention her to me. Maybe because they got fed up with her like I did.  Or they're just more respectful than she is or was. That wouldn't be too difficult.  Mother  did like throwing the matter of her WILL in our faces.  "Oh this one's in. That one's out."   It was  a manipulation. As if money would make me put up with someone who repeatedly told her kids that we weren't wanted by her.
The more I think about it now,  the more I wish I could have gone to med school  or taken courses in social work so I could be a councilor at an abortion clinic.  But I didn't know at the time, what has since been discovered.
Betrayal has an interesting effect on those betrayed.  Especially when the traitor is  someone assumed trustworthy and who should have been worthy of trust.  Consequences of that betrayal can take interesting forms.  For the time being,  I'm not sure what form my retribution will take.   However, being a writer,  I can take a guess.
Speaking of writers,  though, there's a part 2 for this post, dealing another form of betrayal and the poor soul who, like myself, would end up being stabbed in the back by someone he should have been able to trust.  His 'creator'  no less.
So I'll end here and work on part two after I get some sleep.
Later.
Johanna